Domestic Violence

Everyone has disagreements with their partner from time-to-time. We call it domestic violence when there is a controlling pattern of intimidation, threat and abuse that escalates from individual, isolated acts into a series of multiple tactics and repeated events.

Domestic violence is when one person in an intimate relationship – a spouse, intimate partner or date – repeatedly tries to control and criticize their partner's feelings, behavior, and actions. This violence can be physical, sexual, and emotional. In its most extreme form it can result in death. While domestic abuse happens between adults, sometimes children and elders are victims as well.

Physical violence includes kicking, punching, shoving, slapping, or pushing in any way that hurts another person. Sexual violence includes any unwanted touching or fondling and forced or pressured sex at any time.

Even the threat of violence can result in someone feeling afraid and controlled. A raised fist, punching walls, kicking in doors, keeping someone awake all night, threatening to take children, hurting pets, destroying personal things, driving recklessly, isolating family members, or controlling resources like food, money, vehicles, credit or time can cause someone to feel fearful and threatened. Abusers often create complex rules that their partners and children must follow, and just as often, they change the rules.

People who are suffering in battering relationships come from every part of life. Our level of education, financial security, race or ethnic group, sexual orientation, physical or mental ability, immigration status, religion, or marital status does not protect any of us from experiencing domestic violence. It occurs in relationships where the partners are married, never married, dating, living together, separated or divorced. It happens when there are children in the family, and when there aren't any children. Domestic violence occurs when people have been together a long time, or just a short time. All of these circumstances can make it harder for a victim to get help or get out of the situation.

No matter how many times someone is told, or is made to feel that the violence is their fault, the truth is that no one deserves to be beaten or treated badly. In many cases, assault, battering and domestic violence are crimes. While everyone's situation is different, and each person knows what is best and safest for them, there are many things that victims of domestic violence can do to protect themselves and their children.